Violence is Intentional and Delibrated Action
Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time
Abusive behavior is the abuser’s choice
Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse are not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control the partner.
Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse
They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.
Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse
They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is ne in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.
Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them
Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).
Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show
Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show.