“Toxic masculinity” (sometimes called “harmful masculinity”) is often used as a catch-all term for the behaviours of men and masculine folks.

In reality, though, there’s plenty of room for someone to be masculine without being toxic or engaging in behaviour that’s dangerous or hurtful.

So what does the phrase actually mean? The popular term points to the very real problems of male violence and sexism.

If you think about the common narrative around men and boys that teaches them that boys don’t cry or that they should be able to walk it off, take it like a man under any circumstance, you could imagine how the habitual practice of not telling about your pain or worries could have significant implications.

There are downstream consequences of lacking a healthy outlet to dispense negative emotions. When you’re bottled up all the time, it’s like Whac-a-Mole. It will reappear in another way.

 

Common Traits of Toxic Masculinity

Traits of toxic masculinity include themes of:

  • Mental and physical toughness
  • Aggression
  • Stoicism, or not displaying emotion
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Emotional insensitivity

 

Societal impact

While toxic masculinity definitely has effects on individuals, it can also have larger societal impacts.

Here are just a few of these impacts. Keep in mind that, while toxic masculinity plays a contributing role in these issues, it isn’t always the sole cause.

 

Rape culture

Toxic masculinity ideology tends to treat women as sexual objects, contributing to ongoing issues, like rape culture.

This refers to the tendency to remove blame from sexual assaulters and place it on the victim. “Boys will be boys” might sound harmless when it comes to kids roughhousing on the playground. But it can be used as an excuse for violent behavior or not respecting boundaries.

 

Violence

Toxic masculinity also teaches men and masculine folks that aggression and violence are key to solving problems — unless you want to appear weak.

The resulting violence, which can show up in many forms, including intimate partner violence, can have far-reaching effects on those who aren’t even directly involved.

 

Social exclusion

Again, there are plenty of men who do not exhibit toxic masculinity. Still, these individuals may be negatively affected by those who display those traits in the form of social exclusion. Especially among children and teens, those who don’t fit inside that predetermined box of what it means to be masculine might find themselves disliked because of it.

 

 

Addressing it

There’s no single answer to addressing the problem of toxic masculinity. Doing so requires societal shifts around several things, including gender stereotypes and the stigma surrounding mental health.

But, if you’re a man, there are a few things you can do to reduce the impact of toxic masculinity in both your own life and the lives of those around you:

 

  • Be okay with acknowledging where you are. Everyone has a starting point. There’s no way to change or move forward if you aren’t able to be honest about the things you want to change. Maybe you weren’t a skilled communicator in past relationships. Or maybe you’ve relied on your physical size or strength to intimidate others. Don’t beat yourself up for your past actions. Put your attention on where you currently stand and how you can move forward.

 

  • Have tough conversations. Ask your friends their perspective on how you handle tough situations or your biases in relation to masculinity. Do your part not to get defensive, and really listen to how your actions have impacted others. You might be surprised that certain things you did or said came across differently from how you intended.

 

  • Do the work. Above all, undoing toxic masculinity as a man involves being true to yourself, not some false idea of the person you should be. Finding your true self is a process that takes time. A therapist can guide you through this process and help you alter unhelpful thinking patterns.