The question I have been asked at many forums is what solution is there to combat violence against women in Pakistan. I have always been talking about many solutions like strong legislative measures, improved service delivery and infrastructure, increased awareness amongst women, more women in leadership roles and so on.

The truth is, in recent years Pakistan has taken a lot of similar interventions both at the federal and provincial levels. But still the incidence of violence against women (VAW) is increasing with every passing day in this country. This situation is alarming. But not more than the fact that this violence is somehow accepted as we don’t see clear condemnation of such acts from many tiers of the society.

After a decade of my work as a women’s rights activist, I am of the view that the only and long lasting solution is the engagement of men towards gender equality.

In a patriarchal society like ours what could be more pleasing if a perpetrator turns himself into a protector of women’s rights. In a patriarchal system men usually enjoy decision making power including control over economic resources, education, health care and mobility of women of his family. In this situation, contrary to the feminist approach, engagement of men in eradication of VAW is more close to logic and thus, becoming the popular phenomenon.

In Pakistan, White Ribbon initiative is pioneer in this field with a different approach to counter the issue of violence against women. White Ribbon is of the view that generally men do not have the tendency of being violent, rather it is social pressure based on perception of societal standards that evokes them to do so. To help men with this situation we have identified ways to engage men for eradication of violence.

These are as follows:

Let’s talk: One of our major problems is that we do not talk. No one is a mind-reader. If we talk with our partners, we can understand each other’s wishes, thoughts, and desires. Consent should never be assumed.

Act: Rather than watch abuse happen, we can take a more proactive role and become empowered bystanders. This means standing up, speaking out, intervening in potentially harmful situations, or alerting others for assistance. There is always something we can do.

Choose words thoughtfully: We must understand the impact of our language and the words that we use. Using vulgar words to describe women makes it easy for the society to view women as inferior.

Talk with men: We can engage in dialogue with other men about how domestic violence has impacted their lives. We can explore feelings and the costs of being regarded as potential perpetrators of violence, while learning how to best support male-identifying survivors. Talking with other men will also allow a space to discuss ideas on how to challenge and stand up against domestic violence.

Lead by example: Never disregard, excuse, commit, or remain silent about any violence, and particularly that against women and girls. We can be role models for other men and boys in our communities. We can teach our children to be respectful and never abusive towards women. We can be good fathers and equal partners in our relationships.

Organise: We need to engage men in an organised way, such as through affiliation with a movement to keep one energetic and loyal to the cause.