When domestic abuse is discussed a thought came across the mind of people that why these women do not leave their abusive husbands?

Domestic violence is repeating and unending cycle in which you can count physical, psychological, sexual, economic and emotional abuse. If Abuser controls everything and does not give a woman access to health, education, resources and even her parents, it is also included in violence.

Most women never left their abusive husbands, some left their husband after a long time of suffering because of multiple reasons. Many of them go to their parents’ house but just to go back, time and again.

The reasons include the following:

• Believing or hoping that the man will change
• Economic dependency
• For the sake of children (Children and Single Parenthood)
• Poor support system (Lack of intervention) and Social pressure
• Norms and myths, Personal guilt and the concept of personal failure
• Negligence of law enforcement agencies
• Fear of what the partner will do

When domestic violence starts at the beginning of relationship women tell their hearts that the abuser will change with time and they pass a long time hoping the same.

In Pakistani culture, a woman remains economically depended on all her life. This is a common expression that no one except husband will bear the expenditures after marriage. Brothers and family of a woman do not support her normally. After the marriage and kids, the woman starts thinking of her children instead of herself. This is our traditional belief that for a better upbringing a child should know and have both mother and father.

In Pakistan, we have a saying that “Once a woman leaves her mother’s house as a bride, she can only return in a coffin.” After the marriage, no one helps and support the woman so that she can overcome the abusive relationship. Even she always get suggestions to bear the pain as it is considered a tradition. Most of the families consider that if their daughter gets a divorce they will lose their dignity and respect in the society so they choose pain, trauma, abortions, miscarriages, sufferings and even death over their so-called respect.

People continue to believe in pseudo-self-created values but don’t respect woman’s rights as an equal human being even in the 21st century. Norms and myths hold women not to speak up. It is usual, it happens in homes, we fight most with the people whom we love, if a husband stops beating his wife it is considered that he has indulged in some other woman. These norms contribute more to increase domestic violence. It is also considered that women are weak they are nothing without their husband. Now millions of women have no self-esteem and they also consider them wrong and they accept all the pain as their fate.

If a woman takes some courage and gains the support of family members then our systems fail her. She fears to go to the police because they encourage both parties to compromise. Lack of interest, pressure from the man side and negligence of police leads her to step back. The same case is with our judicial system people avoid to take their cases to the court because of the inefficient system.  Many of them fear that the person abusing them will harm them after coming back from jail because the state is not doing something tangible

Pakistan needs to adopt an approach of domestic violence cases being registered by the state rather than the family (Sindh police took this surprisingly smart step in a recent case) so the victims aren’t inevitably ‘pardoned’ every time in the name of so-called honour.